And now our deepest thoughts start to come out.

It was such a fun weekend with Steve, Amy and the kids visiting, and Tim here with us, and Carrie and Bill over a lot too, and even Jenny T. came by to join us at the camp fire. We picked up and burned all the broken tree limbs and trash and just had a wonderful time with "Smores" and laughter around the fire. Andrew and Anna just loved feeding pine cones into the heat to see them sizzle and smell the special aroma. The only drawback to the weekend was that my stamina and feeling good cycle didn't always match the energy level of the party. But we all did our best. It didn't slow us down at Skyline or LaRosa's that's for sure. The kids are such jewels and so much fun. And laugh we all did. They kept us in stitches most of the time with their antics. We had a great visit to Winton Woods Park to lower a few energy levels but I'm not sure that plan took care of the right people. There were a few moments that brought on new feelings and new levels of emotion. I suppose we all know that they will happen sometime but I just wasn't ready, or at least I didn't expect the outcome. Steve and I were able for the first time, to let our hearts open. He allowed me to see his pain, through his sadness. I don't think I was prepared for his honesty, at least I hadn't realized on what level my children, although adults, would be processing their own emotions. Up till now I have pondered just what I would say to each of them in private letters during this upcoming unknown length of time. Well, after holding my son in my arms and hearing his sadness I no longer have to wonder. His fear and pain became my energy. I guess a Dad always assumes he is loved and appreciated but I wasn't prepared to hear just how much. Our deepest thoughts are hard to let out, and I'm sure as cautious, protective adults, we don't let them come out too often. Well this weekend, Steve and I allowed that process to happen and I felt only humility, pride, and the will to Battle this thing forever. Now I know the latter might not be realistic, or maybe it is, but I know one thing, I am going to make sure that I offer each of those around me the same opportunity to deal with their deepest thoughts and fears. It is somewhat painful and most likely awkward for adults as we like to think we are, but it is a wonderful, peaceful and loving level to get to. It can only be good for us all. We now look forward to next weekend when Mike is here and all of us can venture into that same uncharted level of our hearts and come out with the same vital energy and peace that Steve and I touched on. What a wonderful weekend.

Well Monday is my first "No Chemo" day, so we will see how the physical battle goes next week until I start the next round on the following Monday. Cindy and I have decided it is much to do with spacing medicines and rest. If we can ever figure out the right combination I am going to be just fine. I look forward to next week, getting a few more things accomplished and just battling all this one more week. I hope all of you have a wonderful week as well. I want to thank my Aunt Peggy, who will never read this blog since she doesn't have a computer, for the wonderful cards she sends me so often. She is so easy to love and so are all of you. May God bless you all.