Just for Carrie, the answer!

As I noticed in many of the last blog comments the "where is Mike?" note, I realized that it was time to come back to the blogging world. So here I am. This is the first time I have had the energy to sit and open up about what's really going with me. On the last Chemo Monday, we talked more about "What's Next..." for chemo. Immediately I realized the difference$ between her thinking and mine. I thought I simply needed a break from chemo. She thought differently. When I found out what the good doctor and Cindy really felt about the "break", it wasn't what I had planned. Their idea of a break was a little more permanent. This was not what I wanted to hear. I couldn't understand why a boost in energy, a lay off in chemo, a shot of oxygen wouldn't be a great way to get me ready for another round of chemo? The doctor put her arm around me and said "Michael, it would be irresponsible of me to give you more chemo." Coming from a doctor who I respect, I trusted her. She went on to describe the man she knew who bragged about weekly 3.2 mile walks at the park, and told me it was her job to find where that man went. I didn't expect to leave the office after that news with a feeling of peace, but I was amazed. After feeling anger and sadness, I too wanted to be able to find the man who a month ago was up and moving, and I felt reassured by her (our) decision.
Let me take a moment to explain why there was a delay in when you all heard this information. I have four beautiful adult children. Each of them in different phases of their lives right now, and handling this situation quite well. With Carrie finishing her Master's thesis, and Laura finishing her Senior Comps, we just didn't have the heart to drop this news right in the middle of these events. Now the tests are over and everyone can now share in the reality of the doctor's decisions.
Lots of great things happened the last few days, but I realized they still weren't the same as what my focus has typically been for the last five months...my gold coins. One of the primary changes is a new time to do my blog. Well today I got my new oxygen toy and I can see that is really going to help me on the sleep side. I also have had my pain meds completely adjusted and that too should help me with sleeping. Between the two, I should be able to write this UPSTAIRS, during the day hours and I know I will enjoy that so much better. I am sorry there's been so much time since the last blog and I look forward to having more energy to write. You all are loved!