A trip to rmemember!

Well it sure is good to be back home. And now after a n incredible night of sleep last night, I'm back on schedule. I sure did miss my loving wife and my popsicles in that order. The trip ended with 5 inches of snow and cancelled flight and Laura and I spending an extra night. Since I was out of pills it was a bad night for me until she helped me find them at about 2 hours before we had to get up for a 4:30 shuttle. I took a double dose and was out like a light. So I traveled home a bit under the influence, got picked up at the airport and went right to my chemo treatment. More drugs designed to put me down, so last night i went to bed at 7 and actually slept straight thru for over 12 hours. Something that just doesn't happen to me very often but was amazing. Cindy laughed as she explained drugs and exhaustion to me. Well the exhaustion part was wonderful and well worth it. Five days in a exciting city with Laura was a true blessing and tons of fun. It was a trip full of adventures starting with our walk through the monuments in record-breaking wind gusts of over 50 mph that actually were ripping flags from the Washington monument. It was still the 50's so we plugged on, holding on to each other so that we were sure we would get there together. We then continued our walk all the way to the Kennedy Center to hear some great free Jazz music. Then we decided to go hear some Hawaiian music out in Vienna Va. near where I used to work. The tour book told us where to go but when we got there we found out the book was wrong. It was now after 8 and we hadn't eaten all day and all I could think about was the memory of the greatest Italian food ever somewhere in Vienna. I couldn't remember address or name so I started asking. No luck, so then I convinced a very nice 411 operator on my cell phone to search over 400 listings under Pizza, Italian, or other clues. No luck. Then we ran across a few Vienna policemen and asked, "Italian, family run, fair price, greatest food". She said a few and then on the last one, she gave an address. So I said to Laura, we are gong to Joe's for supper since we least have an address. We checked the bus route and waited in the now 30 degree weather for a while but then finally found a cab. In minutes he drove us right to the address and incredibly enough it was the actual restaurant. I was flabbergasted and could not believe we had stumbled on the very place we wanted. Laura was sure I was lying just to look good but i was able to describe it and then she could tell by the smile on my face that it was the right place. Well the food was no less than fantastic and we stayed quite a while taking pictures and just enjoying the end of a great adventure. After another freezing cab ride and the wonderful DC Metro we finally got back to the hotel after 11. Great first day. The rest of the trip was full of fun at a slightly slower pace and with a bit more planning. It included breakfast meetings at 7, great dinners, a trip to Chinatown, a little shopping, lots of subway miles and some great time with Laura that I will always cherish. I was so proud of her over the weekend. A trip I won't forget for a long time. And now I look forward to my next trip with Carrie and Bill and I hope it is soon. I'm starting to plan some good adventures for them too.

I think the gremlins were stunned during the trip which was good. I came back in time for round 5 of Chemo and it went as usual. I didn't get to see the doctor about the change in my voice but will check it out next time if it is still there. Had my first Wellness Community group meeting last night and it was a very worthwhile group for me. It is a group of other patients of all different types and phases of the process, so very helpful to me with all my early phase questions. I look forward to meeting regularly. My affirmation for being there was meeting Mark and Julia, Tole's friends that we have been praying for in men's group the past months. What a small world.

I also missed writing this crazy blog too. I didn't realize that I would. I missed the connection with many of you and being able to share so much with so many. But now things are back to normal and to convince me of that, Nina showed up tonight with fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies. It doesn't get much better than that to end a day. Thanks Nina for the Bacci candy as well, you're the best! One thing I did hear from my meeting tonight was how powerful a support group can be to a patient. I sat there listening and feeling so incredible proud and blessed when I thought of all of you. You have been missed and you are all loved. God Bless you all.

Off to DC for some quality time.

I'm excited because today, Laura and I are in the air flying to Washington , DC. It is our annual EF exchange program meeting and since Cindy couldn't go, I've decided to have Laura go along so that her and I could spend some good quality time together. DC is one of my favorite places to visit and so many fun memories will surface as we roam around for 4 days. This will be a good time for Laura to relax and forget about the recent truck/car accident and for her and I to talk about her future since she is about to graduate from Franklin College in a couple of months. I really look forward to to these four days and hope that physically I can manage the trip. If I do, that will be another positive issue for me to feel stronger and more confident that I can do more away from the house. Hopefully, I'm leaving the gremlins back in Cincinnati. Wish me luck. I'm sure I will have a few stories to tell once we get back. I want to thank Ken Paulus for taking the time to drive me to Indianapolis yesterday to pick up Laura. Your friendship is truly appreciated. God bless you. Everyone be safe and happy and know that you are loved and blessed.

Chemo day today! Everybody happy.

HOPE came out the winner at the doctor today. My white and red counts were good this time so she was happy. The pain in my leg was just about gone so she was happy. her evaluation of my nymphs from touch and listen made her very happy. So since the doctor was that happy , Cindy and I left pretty happy too. Chemo went as usual and the gremlins didn't have too much fun today. So HOPE certainly got stronger today. I like those days when the path climbs, yet the brightness of the future shows up ahead.

With all the meds, Chemo day is usually pretty sluggish. Until just around supper time when the door bell rang and we had visors. Kristine from Norway has 4 friends visiting her for a week and they all decided to come over with Lindsay Baker and her mom. It was perfect timing because Paul and MaryAnn have offered to rescue the Swedish girl I mentioned earlier if Kristine was OK with it. The girls are in the picture and the only names I can remember are from the left, Kristine's cousin Astrid, Ingvild, Kristine, Janne and Grete Kristin. It says a lot for Kristine that these girls would make such a trip to visit her. But we knew that when we picked her. I'm sure Kristine will help fix the names shortly. We hope they all have a wonderful visit and a safe trip home.

I hope everyone has a great day and you all remember that you are loved and blessed.

Chemo day today!

It's an odd day today because of the holiday and Cindy being home. She enjoys the chance to take me to Chemo, so she can ask the doctor some questions too. I've had a new pain deep in my thigh that we certainly want to ask her about. It didn't seem to want to get better lately so we wanted to check it out today, but now when I got up to come write the blog, it seems to be going away.... isn't that always the way it always works?

I still can't get over the beauty outside with the snow. It is just incredible. The good part for most of you is, that it soon will be going away. But I will admit, I did enjoy it I also want to thank Don and Jan for taking care of our shoveling and plowing needs. From the bottom of my heart, I really do appreciate you guys doing that for us. God Bless you.

Laura and I leave on Thursday morning for Washington, DC. I can't wait for many reasons, the main one is to spend some quality time with her. She too, just like Carrie is growing up so fast, a young adult now and so much life and excitement ahead of her. And yes, I still like the opportunity to spend time together and have a chance to give out some of my quality advice. Ha Ha. The primary reason for the trip is the annual EF meeting where we pick most of the kids for next year. It's always fun and I think Lura will enjoy it as well. I hope we have some time to see a few sites as well.

I want to thank all of you again who called this weekend. I count on the energy and encouragement you give and look forward to it. I hope you can understand what it means to me. You are all loved deeply and may God bless you all.

A very special Birthday for sure!

...especially if your nickname just happens to be "Picklehead", the original picklehead for that matter. Yet that wasn't the first and most important nickname. Yesterday we celebrated, the 25th birthday of "Happy Feet". Twenty five years ago at 8:32 PM, our first "baby that wasn't supposed to be possible" came into this world with her little legs moving a mile a minute whenever you held her up. So my good friend, Mike Brookbank, stood with me in the viewing window looking at this beautiful little baby girl and as her legs dangled and bounced, quickly said... wow look at "Happy Feet" isn't she a gorgeous baby! And it stuck. Then came the slippers, and the movie.... long after! Caroline Janette Ware (okay, okay, I'm getting used to it) now a full fledged adult, a wife, a teacher, a Christian woman, a mentor, a scholar, a deacon, a musician, a comic, a wizard, a singer, and a wonderful daughter. What a tremendous blessing to us! We enjoyed birthday dinner at Texas Roadhouse, a sentimental favorite of Carrie and Bill's since when they met, he was one of the top R's in Roadhouse, showing most of these young kids how it was done. A good time was had by all. Then we came home for some crazy card game called Liverpool which I recommend even though I was the big loser. It was such a fun night for us as parents, even old parents. So remember my path, and my rainbow, and the pot of gold, and my gold coins? Carrie is certainly one of my shiniest and most sparkling gold coins. A true blessing.

A few gremlins did sneak in there the last couple of days but we are hoping it's just because Monday is approaching and my body needs some toxic juice. It is still winning the battle of ill effects and for that I still feel incredibly fortunate and blessed.

And I just realized there is another birthday that slipped by and that is of the world traveler who is now in Asia somewhere with her boyfriend, Simon. Hopefully they are safe and having a wonderful time and were able to celebrate her 21st Birthday in a grand way. Happy Birthday, our young, brave and spirited friend. You too are loved and admired and a blessing to us.

It's fun to get back to normal a bit!

The last couple of days it's been fun to just focus on some of our regular life timing issues for around this time of year. The most obvious is of course, the exchange students. As Laura and I prepare to head off to Washington, DC to the annual EF meeting, I have been looking over the early applications coming into Boston. It's so much fun to start looking at next year's group. Start considering the unique personalities of the young people who have decided to be that brave and leave their families, friends, relatives, school and safety and just come to America. Ready to jump into a host family with both feet and their hearts wide open. What an incredible process. They are such special and unique kids and for many families it will be a wonderfu, exciting and memorable year as well.

Cindy and I enjoyed a very pleasurable evening with one such family, Robin, Dennis, Zach and their student Xinglai from Germany. Even Theres from Switzerland came over for Robin's tremendous desert and the good company. It's now February and the kids have their flight dates home and they can't believe that so much of their year is done all ready. They are now well into their Americanization and for most, it is a process that they will never forget but that they can't believe is ending so fast. We all know how fast a year can go.

Another fun part is meeting with new hosts or those that are interested in hosting. It's time for our famous New York trip and this year is no exception to the rule. It looks to be another great trip in April with experienced adults, new first time adults and many of our kids and friends for this year enjoying 5 days in the "Big Apple". It's still not too late to join us. I'm working on Miguel from last year to come with us, so who knows. All are welcome.

And today I can use my blog for a special reason and that is a rescue opportunity, a girl from Sweden that found herself unfortunately in a very radical family situation and totally inappropriate and frightening situation in Kentucky. She is being moved at the expressed wish of the organization and needs a family and school for her last 3 months. Cindy and I are working to find her a possible host family for the remainder of this year. She wants to be a journalist, sings, has little brothers and sisters and is a good student. If you think you might like to try this hosting thing for just a few months, and have few furry pets, which she is allergic to, then give us a call.

I'm rambling a bit but I started with the point that it is such a pleasure to be normal, to focus on some of the regular parts of our lives and to get out and have fun. In the meantime, I continue to feel very few ill effects of Chemo and pain and have found myself enjoying these distractions with VIGOR, reminding myself how much fun friends are. Today, Cindy is meeting with the wife of one of the other EC patients we have met through the support group and they will spend the day down at UC learning as much as they can about the battle with Cancer while they build a new friendship. Looking forward to the snow this weekend. Bundle up, drive carefully everyone and most of all, have fun. You are loved.

Nature's beuty is at it best.

I just get very excited to see my house in the winter like this. I guess you can't take the New Hampshire blood out of a world traveler. It is just so beautiful when it snows and even ice storms. I know I'm in a minority when I say I even like being out side breathing the fresh brisk cold air. Made an attempt to shovel but the ice proved stronger. Then when I went in I found out that my gremlins didn't care for the exercise much and put me to sleep for a couple of hours. Where has my stamina gone? Speaking of gremlins, another week of the Taxol Chemo and things are still the same. I talked yesterday to another patient that he and I share identical situations and he mentioned another local man also in that group. Both are battling angry gremlins while I seem to be very fortunate and not suffering from any of them. I can't help but wonder why. Ponder on the question, "Does this mean anything special?" , "Does it count for something?" And what is the difference. Cindy and I talked a lot about this and we are deeply convinced that the only difference must be the prayer. An answer that I truly believe in. I sit and want to feel with certainty that something is going on inside me that is good. As each Chemo Monday comes I HOPE for more confidence that it is working. The hardest part is waiting for a scan as proof to see the improvement. The hardest one is the tumor, is it shrinking, is it gone? What about the lymphs, are they clearing? Others talk about their tumor growing and causing additional problems while I feel just the opposite. I truly just keep looking ahead to the bright way ahead on my path with the help of your prayers, support, thoughts, love and best wishes. And for that, you know how much you are loved and appreciated. God bless you all.

Ice and snow abound on Valentine's day

Here it is Valentine's day and no one here in Cincinnati or nearby can go out and get a card or gift or whatever. And it's another snow day for us so Cindy and I just get to spend Valentine's day together at home all alone. Now that might just be a first. Maybe I'll go out in the cold and carve a ice/snow heart for her. Seriously, it's a mess here, ice all over the trees, branches falling, power outages and we have another day of it comming. We did get a few things done on our list and today we can do more. I'm feeling pretty good and we have had a lot of chance to talk about our future and build on the HOPE theme. Momma Tomte's blog, over to the right, has a wonderful entry about hope. A picture that I really like and she also tells me there is a place called HOPE in Norway. Well that just went on my list of things to do before I go. If I can get this list big enough God might feel some pressure as to not let me go before my list is empty.

So Valentine's Day it is. And I now more than ever realize how lucky I am to have the best Valentine in the world. My nurse, my friend, my wife. It's so obvious to me right now how hard this would be without her. I took her for granted for many years just watching her do what had to be done here to insure the wonderful family we had made it with all their teeth, healthy well fed bodies, and good manners, morals, and hearts. Oh yea , I think I helped a bit too but the real gumption and heart of this family is the lady on the right. I love her and so on this Valentine's day, I tell you all, how much I do, how lucky I am , and how because of her, God's blessing to me is so very obvious.

Chemo day was okay!

Chemo day went pretty good on Monday. Doc was not happy with my white and red cell counts so she tweaked the dosage a bit but other than that, she left the room happy and wanted me to be happy too. It appears the Chemo is doing good for the lymph swelling.. The Chemo went in without any bad side effects again, and just my normal Monday buzz and sleepless evening as usual. I guess I'm very blessed when I consider how much other people go through with the same Chemo and how miserable they are.
Spent the remainder of the day on the phone dealing with the insurance and trucking company to settle up the demise of Laura's poor "Bubba". It's official, he is history and that's sad for her but we are so thankful they are both okay and safe. It made for an exciting weekend and a couple of sore days for the girls, along with a great story they can tell about their "Mack" truck.
The weekend was wonderful having most of our family here to enjoy the snow. I want to tell Steve and Amy how much we loved having them here and bringing the kids. They are just awesome parents and raising such loving and wonderful grandchildren. Aaron and I had a great visit together and that is special for me since it took the other two over a year to get over Grandpa's beard. Aaron is just such a good baby and so much fun to have around at this age. Having Laura and Rachel and Carrie and Bill topped off a grand weekend.
It l looks like snow day today and I know the kids will be happy for sure. Cindy will be happier and it will be fun to spend the day with her here as long as my "Honey Do List' is not too massive or complicated. I might be doing a little shoveling today but that part I love. Sorry Carm.
Also, a message to all our host families. It is that time when we head to DC to pick next year's kids so if you know any families that are thinking of hosting or that would make a good host family, please let us know their names and we can call them. And, just in case you are thinking of hosting again, let us know now so we can hold school slots. This is such a wonderful part of our life and we want to share it with many others.
Thanks to all who called and wrote this weekend. Thanks to Aunt Muriel and Aunt Sherri for your warm calls. That is such energy for me and really appreciated. Special prayers for Sean and Kim's mom who passed away yesterday. Life is so hard to end for those left behind. Just remember you are all loved and may God bless you all.

It still gets tuff.

This is Aaron, our youngest grandchild. You can see he thinks my jokes are funny. this weekend we had a grand time at the house. It started pretty bad on Friday night with the accident but the rest was wonderful. Steve and Amy, Anna, Andrew and Aaron, Laura and Rachel, Carrie and Bill, then came Katie Wright and friends, then Matt and 3 friends, whoa, it was almost a crazy place. I think we slept 15 Saturday night. Mom of course fed us all too, what a task. What a wonderful weekend.
Chemo tomorrow. And of course I hope it goes as smooth as the last 3. I am still doing exceptionally well with the side effects and at times it allows me to forget. But my path closed in on my today, and got pretty tight. I had to grip hard on my HOPE stick to keep looking forward. I was sitting holding Aaron in my lap. He was in a semi sleepy state and just relaxing with old Grandpa. Now you have to understand how rare that occurrence is with the three of them since the other two took more than a year to sit with me without screaming from the beard. Aaron for some reason didn't go through that phase and I love it of course. Well anyway, as I sat rocking him we couldn't help but talk. I started just with easy conversation first but it quickly got pretty serious for me, when the realization of all this hit. I simply looked at him and said, " I wonder how much you will get to know me?" Of course tears snuck in there too. Then he said, "Da, ga, da, a ga" which made me laugh immediately. At first I wanted to be angry, then maybe a bit of self pity, but so quickly came the laughter and the realization that life right now is the most important. The rest, the future, the how long, and why of it, is up to me. And that's when I immediately felt the strength of HOPE. I don't think people really understand HOPE. It is a very powerful tool, something you can really grab onto. I think I will carve a stick and call it my HOPE stick. The more physical things I can relate to, the better. Like my crucifix and St. Peregrine medal around my neck, my bottle of holy water from Lourdes, this blog and my vision of the path, the little gifts and books I keep close to me, they all represent real things I can hold on to, HOPE that I can believe in, strength that i can rely on. The path goes on, and because of that HOPE, so do I. You are all loved.

No special sauce on this BIG MACK!

Now Cindy and I have had that dreaded phone call from both daughters. The one no one wants to get. The call with tears that they were in an accident but thank God they are okay. It happened to Laura and her room mate Rachel on their way back from Franklin. They were in the fast lane but slowing for an accident that had just happened and after passing it, a huge Mack Truck (without a load, fortunately) didn't pay attention and started accelerating and Laura saw him coming, and just held on, hoping not to hit the car in front of her. She didn't, but "Bubba", that's the name of her dear little light blue 1991 Dodge Spirit, has seen the day. Bubba just couldn't hold up much a fight against a mighty Mack. The driver said he pushed them quite a ways and thanked God he didn't have a load which would have made it so much worse on them. They were pretty shaken, and their laundry baskets and stuff in the trunk was pre-pressed for them but we are just so thankful they are both okay. Both girls have been in similar accidents where they were so close to being killed. I thank God, it just wasn't meant to be. Now "Bubba" joins "Fun Hog" in sheet metal heaven, probably right up there next to the Bat Mobile.

The past couple of days have been good for me. Very active for a change and cold of course, but I love being out in it. Pain has diminished somewhat significantly in eating and I hesitate to get false hopes. But HOPE is what I have so therefore by gosh, I can't help but feel that something good is going on inside. My stamina is better too. I am looking into finding some part time work that I can focus on a couple days a week. Something simple, with people that I can just get more active again.

I also want to share this beautiful picture of Lisa Ayabe, WWHS in 2003. She is dressed for "Seijin shik", a special celebration for 20 year olds. She is in college in Canada but went home over the winter holidays to Japan. She is just a delightful young lady and doing so well.

This is a big weekend for us, since Laura is home and Steve and Amy Bright the kids too. So Grandpa will have his hands full but love every minute of it. This whole situation has also made me look at my own children and especially my grand children and really see them for who they are, how special they are, and the miracle of who they are. It's easier to understand that they are our legacy. They are who will keep PappaCou's memory being laughed about. As I would say to Carrie, making sure that "DAD, the Man, the Myth, the Legend" is always a story told.

Well the Lemon Lime Popsicle is gone, my prayers of thanksgiving said, and the body is ready for sleep, so I will end as I usually do, reminding all of you how much you are loved. God Bless you all, for He sure has blessed us tonight!

Today the path is covered and beutiful!

It was a beautiful day outside. A time of year when the outdoor scenes of snow and peacefulness just give me the biggest rush. For some reason, I suppose being born in 55 inches of snow, I just love standing, and looking at the white blanket of snow covering everything, making it all look so incredibly beautiful and safe. For us it was even nicer to notice a late night angel had quietly shoveled our driveway and front walk and left no signature of course. Who do we thank? Somewhere on our street another angel sits watching over us. I wish I could explain the feeling a person gets when that happens. A gift, oh yes, a tiny gift, no way. A gift that someone gives just to help. And we both are so grateful, yet must just accept it because the angel is unknown. What a wonderful feeling, to be loved.
I must admit too, that it was another roller coaster day. Physically it was a pretty good day, but having some extra time to research made for a mixed emotion day. We started to look seriously into the "Caner Centers of America". Wondering about them, I decided to call. After an hour of very interesting and compassionate conversation I learned about these special private hospitals that take a "complete patient" personal approach to cancer care. Using the newest of technologies and including all forms of care such as mental and spiritual care. Unfortunately, it's an insurance thing that would keep me away from that particular resource. But we did decide that our personal approach to all this was very similar to theirs. We agreed that Cindy and I are always looking for the peace and knowledge of how best to take care of me, how best to battle the gremlins, physically for sure but very aware of what we can do for the rest of me too. Nothing anyone uses is a secret. There is no reason why we cant follow any particular regime or theory of treatment ourselves. It was disappointing also today to read that another fellow EC patient, who always seemed to be reporting, good solid forward moving days, with minimal suffering and effects from Chemo and radiation, quickly took a negative turn and in a couple of weeks had passed. That scared me, I'll admit.
So we move on, feeling pretty good, wondering, researching, reading, cooking, eating, which by the way I still do a pretty good job of, and appreciating what is around us. A day doesn't go by that we are reminded about that part, what's around us. That's the best part. It doesn't take a second for us to realize we are surrounded by people who love and care for us. From our shoveling angel to my loving men's group visiting each Wednesday night with encouragement and prayer, we are surrounded by compassion and love. An energy that can't be matched. As I sit here enjoying a "Root Beer Popsicle", oh man is that good, I really look forward to tomorrow, learning more, moving ahead and following my path. Thanks to all, for blessing us, you are loved.

Things that just made me HAPPY

Today I'll just write a short blog to tell you about a few things that just made me happy.

Well lately everything can make me happy but these were the highlights from Monday and Tuesday.

Monday's Chemo went again without a hitch except I got my usual buzz immediately and the eyelids got so heavy I practically slept thru the entire process. The doctor was Happy about the lack of swelling in my neck and she said so a couple of times as i left. the rest of Monday and Tuesday were good days. Tuesday it snowed here. I was HAPPY. I went downtown that day and enjoy being in the snow. I can't wait to play in it tomorrow and shovel my walks.

My niece Catherine has a birthday today. I wish her a wonderful day and lots of love from the Marcou family. She lives in Roanoke with her hubby Tim. This makes me very HAPPY.

Elisabeth Relander from Norway, a WWHS student in 2003, is on a world wide trip with her boyfriend Simon and she was able to meet up with Pei, a WWHS student from 2002 there in Bangkok. That makes me so very HAPPY because it's just such a cool thing that the two kids, living around the world from each other, who both were here at different times can meet up and start a friendship. Just a very cool thing.

I finished all of Stinky Feet's cookies, they made me HAPPY, but now they are gone.

A wonderful visit from Bob Hartigan, that made me HAPPY.

Laura is for sure coming home this weekend, that makes me HAPPY.

Cindy has a snow day off today, that makes me HAPPY.

So you see, that's why I say a couple of good days. I hope and pray for more. God Bless you all.

And it still gets back to HOPE

Tomorrow is Chemo day again. Since last Monday there must have ben a few hundred reasons why not to think about all this and very few reasons to force me to. But as I sit here tonight, I find myself just HAPPY, happy for the Indianapolis Colts, happy for my son Steve, happy to have had a wonderful Super Bowl evening with my wife Cindy, happy to have had an exciting call from Nadine and her family in Germany, happy to have had a fun visit with Clio and Linnea, happy to have had a Friday evening with my good friend Rich, happy to hear from my cousin Patty who also suffered from Esophageal cancer years ago, happy for a visit from Ole, Chris and Eric, Theres, Sarah and Doug, and most of all happy that when people ask me how I'm doting, I can still say, "Pretty good". Sunday I received another thoughtful gift of HOPE, a small book of just that, HOPE. Readings of HOPE for all stages of the cancer process. I was so thankful. Because for me, it is HOPE that I can think about every day, every minute if I want. Between the things that make me HAPPY and the thoughts of HOPE, I have very little time left to sit and get into a funk over this mess. Can you see just how this works? Spending much of my time being thankful and happy, then spending most of the rest of the time hoping things keep happening to insure those happy times keep coming. this leaves little or no time for anger, worry, self pity, frustration, fear and all the rest of the garbage that wants to turn me in the wrong direction. Don't get me wrong, I know all those things are part of life and just ain't be eliminated, but by God they can be diminished to a level that they just don't matter. To a level that they just don'thave that much control over my path. Then what matters is the HOPE and the HAPPY parts. For me, God has blessed me with a flood of both. Cindy an I enjoyed each other a lot this weekend and had a lot of time to talk about all this and realize just how much we both agree on some of the most difficult parts of our future. One thing we do agree on is how HAPPY we can be on this path and how much we can HOPE for in what lies ahead. Tomorrow the path tightens a bit, but I just realized that I go into it with a new chain around my neck, a crucifix, a gift from my friend Morrie, a gift given because he HOPES for me. Gosh, this gets better all the time. Thank you all, I am so blessed, and you are so loved!

What's in a name?

I took a short rest from blog writing for one night only because my sleeping habits changed just slightly from the new Chemo. I actually seemed to manage pain better and found myself sleeping through the blog writing time. This is a good thing maybe. It just shows me, once again, I need to be flexible on this path, that's for darn sure. Seriously, I'm feeling pretty good this week from the new Chemo and keeping the gremlins at bay. We all hope and pray that this phenom anon can be translated into something good. Something the doctors can acknowledge. I know for sure that your prayers and energy are giving me the edge to be able to bear all this better than most. For that I am so very grateful.
Over the past few days I was picking a few stories to put into writing for the blogs and I couldn't decide on which one. Then yesterday I went to the front door and found a big gift bag sitting on the porch. I did a quick peek left and right move just like in the movies to be ready if someone actually was there to surprise me. But it was too cold for anyone to be out there anyway. I brought the bag in and sat to check the contents. Oh my, as I started pulling out the little gifts and reading the card at the same time I really couldn't keep the emotion holding tank from erupting. Happy tears for sure. Wonderful, thoughtful gifts from a few very special people, obviously encouraged by one particular young lady who shall remain nameless. But it did bring back a lot of memories and also reminded me of one of my most treasured gifts. The other day I talked about really understanding your own pot of gold, what your gold coins really look like. The art of taking the time to understand your true blessings. Well here is my attempt to share another particular golden coin that I realized I have been lucky enough to collect many of over the years. Let's call it "terms of endearment" for lack of a better way to put it. Over the years I have always been a jokester with kids and especially those kids that for some reason seemed to sneak right into the middle of my heart so easily. From my own tremendous children to many many others, I have been blessed with a huge "family" of special pals. The way I realized just how special or which pals I really had was from those unique and silly names used between us. It was early in my daughters lives that I found out "Dad, you are such a dork" was a marvelous term of endearment and a compliment I would never not want to have. I would develop return terms that were unique to me and use them whenever I could to both embarrass and admire my children. Like the term "Pickle Head". It started as something very special to one of my daughters, then to both, then to a few very special young neighbors and friends, then to an actual Christmas tree ornament, which finally had me using it often for any young person that I really wanted to let know that I thought they were something special. Today, they all know who they are still and that makes me happy. I often hear a little voice yell out "Hey Mr. Pickle Head" across the room. Now, even my grandchildren bear the honorary title as well. Sort of like, my very own special stash of "Pickles" With the boys, I was their favorite "nerd" or sometimes their "smuck" and they too would borrow from the girls and share the "dork" label once in a while. The wonderful part was that it never stopped. I looked forward to it. I must have got better at what I was doing so that the recognition kept coming. We all have nicknames, but not all of us have real names that promote crazy nick names. Marcou, from early in my teen days brought on "Cou" which as each of my children reached their teen years, they too somehow picked up "Cou". I was always so proud to hear it used. There were then derivatives and shortcuts that came along such as "CouCouCaChou" surprisingly first used in a stadium full of Christian mature men as a small group spotted me on stage singing and wanted the other 67,000 attendees to know that they knew one of those guys on the stage. Then "CouDog" and "Couter" and a few more. Then from age, it all slowed to a more mature and simple label of "PappaCou". Well then came "MammaCou" and "BigDaddyCou", "LittleCou" and even "CouLovesYouToo". Some of this was due to technology. The need for screen names. I was always so tickled and actually honored when I would catch a glimpse of one of my kids screen names and realize how they enjoyed using them. This trend spread too to many of my special pals, one in particular, which gets us back to the gift bag. Many many years ago, I came in through my front door at he end of a hard day, only to find several hundred little girls, "brownies" actually having a troop meeting there in the living room. Okay, maybe not hundreds but at least 15 to 20. There at the door was a pile of pink, yellow and white shoes for me to trip over. Well I could never resist having some fun with kids and thereby disrupting any sense of an organized meeting that might be going on, so i came in, pretended to smell something rather disgusting, made a gesture of anquish, fell to my knees and began smelling each pair of shoes. The girls were stunned of course and starting to giggle and once I knew I had their attention I picked up the next pair, took a deep smell and preceded to whirl and toss and fall to my death in a manner worthy of an academy award. Then of course Cindy urged me to get up so she could calm the girls down but I continued to draw them in to my performance by saying, Oh my my, who's shoes are these? Who on earth has the stinky feet that belong in these shows. I didn't really know at the time, but I quickly found out by the give away expression on one young ladies face. Of course she was devastated that it was her shoes and certainly could not believe that it was true, but I from that day on never ever let her off the hook. She became, from that day on, "Stinky Feet". I had so much fun with that, and continued it for at least 5 or 6 years because I could see our relationship only flurished from it. Then one day as she turned a mature 13, her mom came to me and said, "You know she loves the name but she is wondering if you could just shorten it to "SF". With her about to enter middle and high school she just doesn't think "Stinky Feet" would be appropriate and felt she could keep some of her dignity. I don't think she really trusted me at that time. I didn't give in too easily of course but as the next 6 years went on, i did control myself and used only the "SF" reference, with a slight purposely delivered and well timed "slip up", where the "Stinky Feet" words just slipped out. One day when she was I think a Junior in High School, when technology was running rampant with the kids and everyone was dialing up on AOL and picking screen names, I happened to find out that this young lady had selected a name relative to "Stinky Feet" and I was immediately flooded with warmth in my heart. It was just like my own daughters calling me a "dork". It was a true term of endearment for me. I realized then how special our relationship had been all those years and still is. Oh, and then, somewhere in this time frame, I was honored and promoted up to Mr. "SF", of which i was indeed proud. Well, of course the gift bag was indeed from "Stinky Feet", opps, "SF"and as i enjoyed opening the gifts it made me think of so many special young people in my life. It reminded me of the 4 years at WWHS where I often heard, "Mr. Cou", "Knock Knock" (which has a story that gets back to Cou), Professor Cou, Santa Cou and even Daddy Cou. What fun. What incredible gifts. I am at a time now from this awful situation, where I am forced to look at my life, to go over it, rerun it as much as possible, and I am so very happy with the results. Results like this, where my gifts, my gold coins, become evident and shine so bright that they knock me off my feet. A simple bag of cookies becomes invaluable golden treasure because of the memories and stories surrounding the times I let people become part of my life. People young and old. How very blessed I am. Thank you Ms. "SF" and your family and Kristen and your family. Thank you for the thoughtful gifts, wonderful energy, warm memories and shared love. You too are loved. God bless you all!

A short blog tonight to just make you laugh!

This is beautiful Mt. Washington, and nestled down below is Berlin , NH where I was born. Wednesday was a good day for a few reasons, three of which I can't share. But I can share a very funny piece that I think all of you who love children, work with children, or just center your life around children will really enjoy.

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on. She had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher ,they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?", like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots o ff his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em." Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

She will be eligible for parole in three years

I thank the men's group for coming over last night and sharing your time with me again. It's always a real pleasure and very uplifting to me. Tomorrow I will have my regularly scheduled errand running, mall walking and lunch with my dear friend Jim. From your friendships, I am truly blessed. you are loved.