Sorry for a day off .... had to re-group.

Yes it was a setback, spots on the liver just weren't planed for. But the lymphs in the abdomen going down was good. So there we were, sitting over another new Chemo, going over the list of side effects that I generally won't have and getting ready to see if that's true. Well Tuesday and Wednesday were surprise days. I felt good in the morning and even walked the lake. I even finished my first book in 20 years which was a thrill for me. But the evenings, when the side effects took over were just awful, so I was off to bed by 8:30 each of those nights. The Blog effect was that with the new meds, I slept more than before and just didn't feel like getting up to write a blog entry. So now I am adjusting back to normal or trying to arrive at a valid compromise as to when to write these.

I hope Joe is doing well from his close all. Carie and Bill are off chaperoning the WWHS music kids on their Atlanta trip which should be fun for them. I have truly enjoyed hearing from many of you. Mae Hill sent me a prayer that focused on the inner radiation of Divine healing and I have adopted it as my daily prayer. It is a wonderful and peaceful and powerful prayer and I'll put it up on here soon.

My fried Burt had great news in his last CT Scan and he and Colleen should be rejoicing about now. His overall report was one of stability and no further growth and some good shrinkage or diminishing ares. That's what it's all about and my time will be coming soon. In the meantime , I walk the path, with all of you at my side, trying hard to soak in as much as I can around me. Please remember you are all loved and appreciated. God bless you all.

Good news and bad, don't you just hate that scenario?

I went in Monday with my own positive preferred results. So did Cindy. We got some but not the ones we expected. The good news is the lymphs in my abdomen have gone down and so has the overall tumor size. Other lymphs have not and the scan showed a couple of spots on the liver so that was the not so good news. She immediately changed the Chemo to a new one, so we are now doing our reading research. She wasn't too upset, just said let's see if we can find the magic one. As usual it was filled with a list of side effects and I seemed to tolerate it the first day very well. I'll get it every Monday as well. I actually feel pretty good this evening so if it keeps up, I'll be walking in the morning and doing a little reading. It was a day that other patientsdon't take too well, but both Cindy and I noticed at home that it was harder to get into a funk about it all and that was because of so many people around us keeping positive. Thank you all for that. We will keep hanging in there, keep praying and keep fighting and tolerating until the next scan and find out that the spots are gone. You know for years as a little kid I yelled at my mom telling her how much I hated liver. God Bless you all!

I get frustrated trying to figure all this out.

Just when I think I have figured something out about sleeping habits or pain cycles, they change on me. Oh well, I just get frustrated and try something else. I could say that the last few nights haven't been the best o nights for sleeping or pain. But I get to see the doctor on Monday and she should have the results of the CT scan. I personally want some good ones, like the tumor is shrunk and less lymph nodes are effected. That's where our prayers have been so I look forward to it. I wasn't to much of a sissy getting the CTScan, I just kept my yes closed the entire time. That's the secret.
Joe, how are you doing? A day off work would probably be a good thing for healing, what do you think? I pray for rapid healing for you each day. Wasn't the weather here terrific this weekend? I really enjoyed the sounds of the birds. I sat outside as much as I could and also tried to put a little time in the garage cleaning up for spring. It was a slower paced weekend for me and that was good. Dinner with friends, and of course my body yelling "early to bed". I just can't get over that part. I'm a bit nervous starting Chemo again on Monday and the results too but then again I look forward to the rest of the week. Oh, and this is month 5 since the diagnosis so I'm happy there too. Only a couple of weeks or so before my New York trip with the kids. I am very excited about that. I want all of you to have a wonderful week, filled with God's blessings. Thank you all for your notes and prayers. You are loved.

I wasn't ready for Thursday night!

Staying upbeat and positive, even with the pressures of the negative so close, has been pretty easy for me over the past 5 months. But last night it wasn't. Honestly, it was the roughest night I had experienced since the diagnosis. We are not sre why but have our theory. It was a wonderful, full and active week and I might have just pushed it a bit. Having my family here, doing too much each day, trying to eat like a teenager, keeping an active pace, all probably pushed my body a bit too much. So Thursday night the gremlins went wild. And Friday morning we kept battling. I did overcome by noon and had a wonderful day with Megan and Kayla and Katie bringing dinner over, which was absolutely delicious and we had a great evening. All that last week, added to the return to Chemo probably just was a bit overwhelming and I just had to learn to regulate medicines and my time. All in all, it sounds like I'm doing much better than my friend Joe, who took a good smash to his eye that brought on a number of stitches and seems that he was mighty lucky that his guardian angel was on duty and kept it from being much more serious. Prayers for a speedy recovery go out to Joe. Tonight has been a calm and normal night and I think I'm past the rough part. I did have a CT scan on Thursday and I was a bit uptight about that too so that probably didn't help the overall mental well being. I get the results from that on Monday when I see the doctor and take Chemo again. I can't help but want them to find some things are different, or smaller or just plain gone. This gives God a chance to show where He fits in all this. I will say tho, that even with how hard Thursday night was and early Friday morning, it was bearable be case of the constant input from all of you through comments, calls, prayers and best wishes. Thank you so much for that, it really does boost me past some hard times. And for that you are all loved and God bless you all.

What a great day all around.

I think the gremlins must have been completely drugged to a state of immobility yesterday. Truthfully I had feelings of what it might be like to be healed of this dreaded situation. My body just seemed to cooperate and remain comfortable all day as Mike and I drove around just having fun, visiting friends and feeding our faces. We started with a visit to my dear friend Dick Meeks, who is recovering in Dayton from the first of his two hip replacements. He looked great and was well on the road to full recovery so far. It was a thrill for him to see Mike as well. Then we headed to Larry and Carm's to convince them to drive to Springfield for lunch and some nostalgic country side driving. Lunch was just fantastic at our old stomping ground of 30 years ago, Mike and Rosie's Deli. Of course the conversation could go back to the young days of Mike and Steve so it was so much fun to pull out those memories and just laugh and laugh. Mike and I then returned to Cincinnati in time for Cindy and I to have a meeting and then we all met later, with Carrie and Bill for Mike's most favorite meal yet to be enjoyed and that of course was Skyline. After a delicious late night Skyline we returned home only to crash into our beds, our bellies full, our bodies tired and our hearts enriched. Now today Mike leaves, but not before he first helps me in the morning to solve our crazy computer problems and then he takes me to my CT Scan to check on the throat and chest congestion problem of Monday. I'm always nervous before these scans so please keep me in your thoughts and prayers today. I know I will have only good news to share in the few days. I am amazed that so much can happen in just one day, and all of it based on simple memories and blessings. Remember you are all loved and blessed too.

Not a smooth week.

Well, the Chemo and Doctor visit was just what we suspected. I had swelled a bit so she thought maybe the break was not such a good idea. Then the voice change and chest congestion she fought maybe some vocal cord paralysis caused by the tumor so for all that, she was encouragedto order a CT scan on Thursday, which Cindy and I wanted anyway since it had been a while. The other pains in the legs and hips she did agree with me that they were probably from the walking and that it was up to me to continue it. I think I will. Took the Chemo, got a bit goofy Monday as usual, but it wasn't too bad. Sleeping pattern was wrecked so no blog last night.

Tuesday was a busy day and my body cooperated all day. It was kind of nice . Mike and I did a lot, especially the need to fix my computer which brought it down for the day so far and may have some residual problems tomorrow so don't be alarmed if I miss another day. We took a few kids up to Butler Tech for an early childhood international culinary experience and it was just marvelous and fun to be with school kids again. The BT culinary kids prepared foods from around the world for the pre-schoolers and asked our exchange students to stand in and answer questions from each of the different countries and of cour we all got to enjoy the wonderful food too.

Then we spent the rest of the day fighting the computer but rewarded ourselves with a nice family dinner at Red Lobster so Carrie and Bill could taste their first lobster. A good time was had by all.

Tomorrow Mike and I have a full day together visiting my friend Dick who started his hip replacement surgery on Monday up in Dayton, and my Aunt sherry in Columbus. That trip will bring us through Springfield where we will take some pictures of the old houses we lived in when Mike was a kid and to lunch at the greatest sandwich place in the world, Mike and Rosie's Deli. We both can't wait. My highlight also will be hours of quality time to talk to a son that I don't see much an enjoy very much.The picture is him him enjoying a Disney ride with my gran daughter Lizzy. She is just so beutiful and I miss seeing her more. It has been a true blessing having him around and enjoying our talks. I am very proud of him, his family and his accomplishments in the bank and each of them fill me with pride and happiness as a Dad. Our trip tomorrow will be wonderful. Then we will come back energized to attach this stupid computer with vigor and get it fixed before he leaves because he has been my eyes and fingers and allowed me to work 10 times faster, so we really need to get it done.

It will be a full day for sure, but a fun day. A day I'll cherish. So much this week has reminded me of my simplest of blessings and how rich they make me. May those same blessing surround all of you. You are loved.

What a marvelous weekend!

With all four kids home and a schedule to beat a mule down, we had a wonderful weekend and lots to tell you about. The two big events were our family bonfire and the Birthdays of the two grandchildren in Indy. Chemo starts tomorrow and lots of questions for the doctor. So for Joe, I think I'll just say that later today I'll write much more. Stay tuned. Love you all.

It's going to be a busy weekend.

Friday was a day filled with change, physical change that I have mentioned that is unique to my situation. A two hour period of feeling great then a two hour time of gremlin and lkingons doing battle, then back to peace on the Enterprise. The good news is, after several delays, Mike arrived sometime after midnight. I did at least wake up when he got home and was glad someone in the family stayed up late enough to go pick him up. Laura also arrived and Steve and Amy are coming in later tonight so I am prepared for a great weekend with my family. Then on Monday my next Chemo starts, and hopefully nothing new in that arena that I can't handle.

But lets focus on the weekend. I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend. Ours is filled with fun, visiting today, dinner tonight in Wyoming, late night campfire with my kids, then a full Birthday celebration of 2 grandchildren in Indianapolis on Sunday. I look forward to all of it.

I want to share a chuckle and a nice "warm and fuzzy". My aunt Muriel, from New Hampshire, called today to check up on me just seconds after I had layed down to snuggle and get warm under my wool prayer shawl that she had made me. She was just so happy that I actually use it. Her timing was perfect and so is the shawl. Filled with love and warmth, two things my heart shares with all of you. God bales you all.

Just a grand day all day!

Jim and I had a great walk and of course the best conversation together as I worked out a little less hip pain than the other days. Now I am convinced it was from the walking and will get better over time. Since I start Chemo next Monday and walk with Jim on Thursdays, then my big walk days will be only 3 days a week which should be beneficial. I have to tell you that the one one big thing that strikes me about walking around the lake is the peace and serenity of sitting and reading and just thinking. A time with no limits or restrictions that is just for me to enjoy the simple things around me. Like right now, sitting in my basement enjoying this banana popsicle, my favorite, it just doesn't get much better.

The rest of the day went great too, my gremlins behaved well and then in the evening my wonderful daughter Carrie helped me get a few of the exchange students to their departure point for a Washington DC trip, which just happened to be near Portsmouth. She willingly gave up all of her evening and then some to do this or me. So if anyone at WWHS reads this, that is why her eyes might be closed at times. We got home very late because we really enjoyed our time together and didn't hurry on the way back. It is much harder for me to do the things I want to do or even have to do and I'm so blessed with loved ones who help me to be normal. We had another surprise visit from Katie Wright, who drove in from Penn State and stopped to visit. Gosh I love her, she has the greatest smile and perfect timing, and some day she is going to work for the Boston Red Socks, wait and see.

Another late night tonight to pick up "Number One Son" who arrives from the west coast at 11 pm. We are all looking forward to having Mike here, especially me! We are going to have a grand week with all of our kids here at once. I might miss a blog or two since I hope to be up late a few times, but I'll have plenty to say afterwards, that's for sure.

I want to end today with a special thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this. Knowing you are, or reading your comments or just finding out you have, is really an incredible energy for me in my daily routine. Taking one day at a time and learning to live each one in the most positive way I can, takes a huge amount of energy, encouragement and affirmation and for that I thank you all. God plays a significant role in my personal faith and my future, please understand that He does it through all of you, even when you don't know it. For that, I am truly blessed and you too are blessed and loved.

3 Days is good, but 21 until a habit .....ugh

I'll admit that it took me longer to get out there this morning and any and all pain was just reason enough to not do it. But then I thought about the few blog readers that had mentioned encouragement so I knew I better show some gumption. So walk I did, and at a slower pace than usual. The funny thing was that the slow pace was kind of nice and considering my age and available time, I didn't care. Which then allowed me to make it to my reading spot, sit for an hour this time and then move on. Lucky for me my cell phone went off a little later so I could pick another bench and sit for a while longer as I enjoyed a conversation with Laura. Then I continued, almost returning and decided to call Jim for a rescue. He did and I found myself home safe and sound and still with a decent walk under my belt.

The afternoon brought nothing but pain in my hip bones, of which none of my existing medications would help. So when Cindy got home she suggested simple Ibuprofen since it might be an inflammation and darn if she wasn't right and i was back in business. She is so smart!! The rest of my aches and pains were also forgotten since it was Wednesday and time for my men's group to come over. With the gorgeous weather we sat on the porch at first but then the slight rain drove us inside. I can't thank these men enough for bringing the meeting to me each Wednesday and ending with their loving hands and hearts touching me and asking God to take part in my healing process.

The big news is still that Mike gets in from San Francisco on Friday night for a week long visit with the main focus on having our 4 children together to all talk about this and share our thoughts and sadness yet make strong plans for living life together. I'm reading "Tuesday's with Morrie" right now and a key point of encouragement from that book is that you "must learn how to die before you can learn how to live" It is a scary thought but I'm finding out it is extremely true and very beneficial to those around you who care and struggle with you. Couple that with the other main point of the book, "learning to give love so that love can come back to you", and I think it makes a grand focus for someone in my situation.

Today will be my mall walk and lunch with Jim, so a few miles less walking might be just right in this process. I'm sure it will be a healthy lunch for both of us. I do know it is a lunch I look forward to very much. I am truly blessed with so many good friends. God bless all of you, you are loved.

It's only 2 days but hey!

When I got up this morning and really took a close look at how I felt after a pretty hard night, I could have easily said, "okay no walk today, I hurt too much". And actually in the shower I kept saying it, over and over ha ha. I had decided that most of the nighttime pain was just my old body reacting after yesterdays surprise 3.2 mile walk. So therefore, I should go again and walk it off. Plus, the weather outside was incredible. So off I went, with my book too. This time I actually sat for 45 minutes reading since it was so pleasant. For me to read half a book in just two days is very exciting. Then, my loving wife just happened to drive by and of course offered me an easy out return trip home. I decided against that too an went all the way. As I walked around the lake, part of my motivation was remembering that Nadine and Elisabeth, two exchange students from Germany last year, did this walk every single morning, actually at a jogging pace. So it is easy for me to just try to do it at a walking pace. I finished in about 2 and a half hours again and felt pretty darn good. So I will once again try to keep it up. Last night was also our group meeting night at the Wellness Center so they were happy for me too. The group went very well and the chocolate shake at the end of the day made for a perfect exit to my bed and pain pills. It was a pretty good day.I also heard from my dear friends Inger and Eric on Mamma Tomte's blog which is always very uplifting and filled with encouragement from Norway. I am truly blessed. Walk each day with your eyes open to your own blessings.

A few new challenges!

I got up Monday morning with a charged attitude to just do something that I controlled that might have a difference on the not so popular outcome of my situation. Partly, it was encouraged by the rare emotional sharing of Steve and I, but also going back to my original desire to do whatever I could for myself as well. So those feelings translated into getting dressed, putting on my decent pair of New Balance, juicing up with my morning meds and heading out to walk the loop in Winton Woods Park. I also took along the first "Tuesdays with Morrie" book that I hadn't read and was struggling trying to read the second one. I am not a good reader so I took it along to make time on the walk to sit and read. The walk went well and a third of the way around the lake, i found a peaceful and quiet bench and sat for a half hour reading, which i truly enjoyed. I finished the entire walk getting back home in just short of a couple of hours and except for the fact that the return trip to the house is all up hill, I was in pretty good shape when I got back. I can't tell you how long it has been since I read for a half an hour without falling asleep. I also can't tell you ween i have had that much time to myself in a peaceful and natural setting to think about all this. It was a darn good idea and I am definitely driven to attempt the same process this morning and as many other mornings as I can. Cindy checked the mileage and it is 3.2 miles total, which shouldn't be too hard to do. One thing I am encouraged by is that in 4 walks I can finish one small book and since I have been given a number of good books as gifts, it would be worth the walk just to be able to read that much material. So wish me luck and that my determination stays firm, because I really enjoyed it and want to continue the process. If anyone is retired or out of work and wants to join me, just give me a call, i probably would enjoy the company as well. The last benefit from this is that it just might have some redeeming quality that beats down a few gremlins while I'm enjoying myself. So that is my endeavor, still on the one day at a time pace, but to walk as much as I can. I certainly look forward to the large amount of creative thinking time that I can use to get in lots of trouble. Just kidding, but I'm sure I can use it to energize my humorous efforts as well, which should come in handy with my clan often. So there you have it, the rest of the day went well, a bit tired of course but still productive. I'm heading back to bed to rest enough to feel the same about all this when the morning sun hits. God Bless you all.

And now our deepest thoughts start to come out.

It was such a fun weekend with Steve, Amy and the kids visiting, and Tim here with us, and Carrie and Bill over a lot too, and even Jenny T. came by to join us at the camp fire. We picked up and burned all the broken tree limbs and trash and just had a wonderful time with "Smores" and laughter around the fire. Andrew and Anna just loved feeding pine cones into the heat to see them sizzle and smell the special aroma. The only drawback to the weekend was that my stamina and feeling good cycle didn't always match the energy level of the party. But we all did our best. It didn't slow us down at Skyline or LaRosa's that's for sure. The kids are such jewels and so much fun. And laugh we all did. They kept us in stitches most of the time with their antics. We had a great visit to Winton Woods Park to lower a few energy levels but I'm not sure that plan took care of the right people. There were a few moments that brought on new feelings and new levels of emotion. I suppose we all know that they will happen sometime but I just wasn't ready, or at least I didn't expect the outcome. Steve and I were able for the first time, to let our hearts open. He allowed me to see his pain, through his sadness. I don't think I was prepared for his honesty, at least I hadn't realized on what level my children, although adults, would be processing their own emotions. Up till now I have pondered just what I would say to each of them in private letters during this upcoming unknown length of time. Well, after holding my son in my arms and hearing his sadness I no longer have to wonder. His fear and pain became my energy. I guess a Dad always assumes he is loved and appreciated but I wasn't prepared to hear just how much. Our deepest thoughts are hard to let out, and I'm sure as cautious, protective adults, we don't let them come out too often. Well this weekend, Steve and I allowed that process to happen and I felt only humility, pride, and the will to Battle this thing forever. Now I know the latter might not be realistic, or maybe it is, but I know one thing, I am going to make sure that I offer each of those around me the same opportunity to deal with their deepest thoughts and fears. It is somewhat painful and most likely awkward for adults as we like to think we are, but it is a wonderful, peaceful and loving level to get to. It can only be good for us all. We now look forward to next weekend when Mike is here and all of us can venture into that same uncharted level of our hearts and come out with the same vital energy and peace that Steve and I touched on. What a wonderful weekend.

Well Monday is my first "No Chemo" day, so we will see how the physical battle goes next week until I start the next round on the following Monday. Cindy and I have decided it is much to do with spacing medicines and rest. If we can ever figure out the right combination I am going to be just fine. I look forward to next week, getting a few more things accomplished and just battling all this one more week. I hope all of you have a wonderful week as well. I want to thank my Aunt Peggy, who will never read this blog since she doesn't have a computer, for the wonderful cards she sends me so often. She is so easy to love and so are all of you. May God bless you all.

It felt good for a while.

The day started great, got up early and met with the Friday morning men's group at 6. Always an uplifting time for me. Back in bed by 7:30 and then up at around 9:30 because Tim was going to help me with some tasks around the house. Well we did just that, by 1:30 we had taken down the Christmas lights, cleaned out the gutters, organized the garage, closed up Raccoon holes under the deck and a few other little things that have been just lingering around here. Then Tim went up to visit Judge in Wilmington for a while. Judge is Cindy;s 100 year old grandpa who is doing just grand. Once Tim left, my gremlins all took over and sent me to bed under threats of war. The girls found me sound asleep when they came home and just had a good chuckle once they found out where Dad was. It is just amazing how little stamina and energy is available while on Chemo. I waited for the early evening to pump up with medicine so that we could have a late evening dinner at CanCun. Carrie, Tim, Cindy and I enjoyed a great Mexican meal and by that time it was 10 and i was done for the day. A long day at that. And the weather, I just couldn't believe the weather. It was so nice to sit outside and listen to the sounds of early spring, wave at the neighbors and watch Cindy and Carrie work on their cars, with me supervising. All in all, it was a wonderful day even with the a very uncomfortable segment. Family and friends and a good meal can distract me enough to ward off the pains. It really is a matter of focus and directing one's energy. I look forward to seeing a lot of you this weekend. With the weather staying spring like, we plan on a very pleasant weekend, including Steve and his family coming to visit Tim and to see Grandpa. Certainly a few days where I will be surrounded by my blessings. I ope each of you can take the time to notice all your blessings as well. You are all loved. May God bless you all.

A good and busy day!

The day started great with a chance to sit over breakfast with Cindy's brother, Tim and visit. A chance to find out about his family, Dane, Ellen and Chase and Maggie and just what they are all up to. He is here on business and staying a few days with us which is always fun for the whole family. Of course it has nothing to do with the fact that it usually involves a trip or two to Skyline. At noon, Jim and I had our weekly walk and shop trip and then enjoyed a great milkshake at Steak and Shake. Thanks Jim for lunch and great company. Then of course my body screamed for a rest until the evening activities, which as planned included Skyline with Carrie and Bill. By then I was done for the evening until my late night blog writing time and since I had some extra energy I was able to book the flights and hotel for my New York City trip with the exchange students in April. Things always seem to go better on the Internet late at night. I wonder if that is just a coincidence? Anyway, I'm glad to have that done, look forward to the weekend with family and my "no Chemo" Monday coming up. We will see what next week brings. Happy late birthday to my sister Maureen. That's my older sister of course. Have a wonderful weekend and God bless you all!

A troubled day.

I would like to just forget about Wednesday, at least most of it. I have found that with such a huge support group and so many who check up on me, it was too easy to downplay the days or times I feel really bad. Now don't get me wrong, that is a good thing. It helps me to minimize the negative. But yesterday was just a bad day all around and no matter what happened all day, I just couldn't find much positive energy around me. Until I had a good cry and lots of medicine and a brisk walk outside with Cindy, I just couldn't get myself past all that was going on. Most of it was physical of course, yet mixed with the Chemo brain antics of my gremlins, it began to be a mental battle too. The end of the day was a real plus after the walk. Fortunately it was men's group night and this is the bunch that comes to my house, so as usual, my spirits were raised by loving hands and hearts and some darn good conversation and prayer too. Thank you gentlemen.

Now on to the good parts, tomorrow. While i was trying to sleep, Cindy's brother Tim came in for a few days and that will be an uplift. He can help me with a few small tasks around here. The kids will all show up on Friday r Saturday to "take" Uncle Tim at Skyline. A family tradition since he lives in Oregon and of course can't find anything like it there. So having family around will be a plus for sure coupled with subsiding effects of Monday's Chemo. And don't forget, I'm on a break for a week as well. this could be good. Also tomorrow is walking and lunch day with Jim, an activity that always lifts me up and hopefully helps keeps him up too. Sounds like a much better day for tomorrow, one that I look forward to. With the additional medicines today, i find myself wanting to cut this short and try sleeping again. So with that, I will remind you that you are all thought of and loved and may God bless you all.

That darn day after.

Tonight was the second night in my Wellness group and I almost didn't feel good enough to go. I'm glad I did because the group seems to be in tune with so much they can share considering the wide range of cancer types and time frames. And yet, there is a bond of closeness and simple understanding of what you are going through and suffering from , even if your not comfortable enough to talk about it. It's a great concept and a very helpful setting to spend a couple of hours a week in. If any of you are involved with cancer as a patient, caregiver or family, the Wellness Community of Cincinnati is a wonderful place and filled with information, resources and programs for all. I met a man who is an avid model railroader so maybe I can get motivated to rejuvenate mine and start a great relationship with my grandson Andrew, who obviously is a train fanatic at only 4.
Today Mike and I made plans for his trip here. I'm looking forward to whatever crazy things he would like to do together. He is my child most similar to my crazy and somewhat whimsical and spontaneous nature which could get us in trouble or make for a terrific week. I really look forward to that time with him.
Monday was my last Chemo for two weeks and part of me says ye haw! There are some obvious gremlins who get really juiced up on Mondays and I really dislike them. I'll be interested to see what the two week break is like physically. If it warm s up a bit I might try a few simple physical projects outside. But nothing that would get Cindy too excited I don't think. One thing I noticed is that I could at least take down the Christmas lights off of the gutters and maybe clean out the gutters while I'm up there.
I have fallen short on visiting the WWHS production stage as I promised and I feel bad. I miss that environment, the kids and the wonderful adults very much and hopefully during this two weeks I can get up there to just take a look and maybe find something I can help with.
I had a lot of time to just think about all of you these past few days trying to concentrate on anything but the gremlins and I just want you all to know how lucky I am to have such a huge group of family, friends, and all those who care that it is such a blessing. You are all loved, and may God continue to bless each of you.

It's Chemo day today!

Today is the last (6th) week of this round of Chemo and I get a week off next week and then start another 6 week round. After the weekend and some of the nagging pains I had, I think I'm ready for the Chemo. I hope that's a good sign that my body tells me it is ready for it.

We spent most of the weekend around the house. just catching up with little things between naps. I am still amazed at the fatigue level that comes with this condition. We may have a lead on a car for Laura. We will know this next week if the car is safe for her.

Tim, Cindy's brother from Oregon, is coming on Wednesday for a short business trip visit and that is always a fun time when he is here.

Congratulations to Dave Bell for his well deserved recognition of "Choral Director of Note" I certainly admire Dave and his work with the kids all these years and just as important, I have enjoyed the results so many times each year. Bravo Dave, you are certainly one of the true "gold coins" of the Winton Woods School District, and my friend too.

Happy Birthday to Kristine and Iben from Norway, and to my dear friend Dick in Springfield.

My prayers are that you all have a wonderful week and may gods blessings pour down on all of you.

So much to think about!

The past two days have Been hectic, fun, and full of good solid reasons for me to think a bit deeper about some things. Watch out, deep thinking from me could be dangerous. Last night we had dinner with Colleen and Bert, the couple that Cindy met on the EC on line support group that ended up living in Lebanon. We had a great time and I know for me it was really refreshing to talk to Burt and hear him comment on things that were the same for me. It just seemed to make it all a bit more bearable when hearing him talk about similar aches, pains or quirks. I know it's all about not feeling alone with this. In the beginning everyone does, and unless you open your eyes and give yourself the opportunities, you can easily miss the fact that you are not alone. One thing Bert insists on, which I too have encouraged those around me, is that as you walk down this path, you quickly see that there are so many others that have it much worse than us. Much worse in a sense that their cancer might be the same, and possible outcomes just as gloomy, but their support system just isn't there. We both agreed how lucky we are to have families, friends, and so many others looking after us.

Then this weekend, I also thought more about the single mom cancer patient that I met last week. I don't know much about her but I find myself so aware of how hard that must be to have two teenage daughters as a single parent and have to deal with cancer as well. I'm pulled to find out more about her so that if there is anything we can do for her I want to make sure we do. My freezer is filled with soup, maybe no one brings her any?

Then comes the issue of motivation. I have always been a person who got a lot done but never was quite sure of what my key motivation structure was. Cindy would like to think it was pressure. That I worked the best under deadlines and therefore kept myself on the edge all the time to keep my output at a peak level both in timeliness and quality. Well if she is right, then that is a pretty bad methodology for me now, and I really want to develop a new one. The only real deadline (sorry no pun intended) I now have is not one I should be using for motivational reasons or at least procrastinating to it. So I have been reading and pondering new ways to build that feeling of true motivation. Yes friends, this is a call for help, advice, tricks or whatever you want to call it. I'm definitely looking for a new motivational strategy and willing to reward anyone who gives me something I can grasp on to and use. I say that because I just found a $25.00 gift card to White Castles, so I am loaded right now. Let's see who I motivate with that!

The week has gone well. My last Chemo round is Monday and then a week off before the next round starts. Oh yes and the big news. I almost forgot. It seems my hair has stopped growing. So for those that were curious what I looked like bald and were a bit disappointed that it didn't happen, it looks like it still might. Maybe this is the beginning of the process and "Coujak" may still show up.

Have a wonderful week, thanks for all my cards, calls and visitors and may God bless you all.

My days were off, 4 months passed!!!!!!

I did a re-check on my official diagnosis and test dates and realized that the 26Th of the month was my actual test date when they fund the tumor. So that means that I have 4 good months under my belt so far. Finally, in a world of "3 - 9", 4 seems like I'm getting somewhere. I'm sure you all figured out how important these months are to me and getting to 12 is the biggest hope. It's what my fears are based on and what my pride and accomplishments are based on as well. So making month 4 is a happy time. Making it in the condition I'm in is even better and I hope the doctor agrees with that. I don't see her for a few weeks since she is on vacation. Fear is still my biggest gremlin. Focus and distraction are my main weapons, I have figured that out for sure. The hardest part is handling the gremlins enough to allow me to focus.

I enjoyed lunch today with Bob Sanders, someone I have always admired. Bob recently retired from the chemistry arena of Proctor and Gamble. Working in that kind of environment, and intensity in a company like P&G has always impressed me, more so when done for a large number of years. I hope we will do more lunches, it was very enjoyable to get to talk with Bob in an all new setting other than work or Church.

My friend Bernie also came over last evening and it had been a while. I ask all of you to keep Bernie in your prayers and his family to help lift him through the difficult period of grief for his dad's recent passing. Bernie has spent his life as a skilled counselor to others, mostly substance abuse and addiction. His pace is such that there was little time for him to stop and have time for his own needs and grief and it recently got the best of hm. Pray that God's peace will surround him and lessen his burdens. He is truly the most gentle and giving of God's "earthen vessels" who pours out grace to others. My prayer is that he is showered in God's graces himself to re-vitalize and nourish his own faith and energy in this time of need.


Ahh, the weekend approaches. Could be snow, could be rain, oh well, a surprise for sure. If any of you enjoy unaccompanied choral music, there is a concert at St. Xavier Church, corner of 6th and Sycamore, downtown at 2 PM on Sunday. Bob hartigan, retired music director of Greenhills HS and Winton Woods HS is part of the performance so it promises to be an enjoyable concert. I believe there is a small fee but well worth it. See you there.


Mike, my oldest son in San Francisco, call edto make arrangements for our quality time together. It looks like he will be coming in mid March and I'm looking forward to it tremendously. My time with Steve and Laura was just so much fun and I certainly can't wait to enjoy the same with my oldest.


I'm a very lucky and blessed man. God bless you all.

I'm still learning about "One Day at a Time"

It was a grand morning, got up feeling just great, two mornings after Chemo, hot shower, a few jobs on the honey do list and then Jim and I hit the mall for our walk followed by a nice lunch. When he dropped me off I was energetic and commented on how good I felt. So I decided to putter a bit and picked up the million little sticks that the ice storms had broken off all my trees. Well bending over a few thousand times might have been exercise but I'm not sure what it did to me or if it was that at all. But once i got inside and sat to rest for a while, the gremlins must have planned an all afternoon welcome home party inside me. It was a rough afternoon and one of those nights I couldn't go to bed early enough. Feeling fine now on my regular get up and do my blog schedule.
At my first wellness meeting the other night with other patients and in most of the reading material, it does talk a lot about setting short term goals and living one day at a time. One of the group members who has been in and out of remission for over five years after getting a diagnosis of 9 months, told me it was the most difficult part, trying to learn and adjust your expectations to just one day, learning that so many things can happen so quickly to give you a great day one day, followed right up by a crappy one. I'm learning.

The men's group came over and that was as special as it always is. I would have never been able to attend the way I felt so having them willing to come to me is such a blessing.


I got great news from Iben, a girl from Norway who was here last year and that is that her sister Guro is coming next year and has agreed to be in our group. We are so excited to have our first sibling come to the same place. We will do whatever we can to make sure she has her own experience here and not just the same as Iben's.


I'm still enjoying the after thoughts of my weekend trip with Laura. I highly recommend this quality time excursion thing with your children to all my Dad Friends, and mom's too. It is amazing to spend time together and realize how mature and special your kids become as they turn into young adults.


I'm getting close to counting 4 months and that's exciting. I look forward to tomorrow and what is in store for me. I do know one thing for sure, and that I'll never stop mentioning and that is that I am truly blessed by all of you and want all of you to know you are loved and appreciated. Thank you Jennie for the wonderful lemon blueberry cake.